Mannus & Marlow / Joint intake · Session Zero
The Crying Calzone
A crying oven. A captive sprite. The first MMI assignment fit inside a pizza shop—until it didn't.
- Reference
- UV-001
- Assignment
- Joint intake · Session Zero
- Disposition
- Local incident closed
01 / The case record
The oven was crying
Sal D’Amato called from Lord Cheezus, the shop beside MMI, because his new Weavemind oven was crying. Its heat dial turned by itself; the timer seemed to count down to forever. Sqounk wanted the team to find the fault, consider the DML licensing problem, and avoid destroying the source of his favorite slice. None of those instructions anticipated a person inside the appliance.
Sal had found strange writing across a menu. The investigators turned it over, tested its words, and learned little from reading them aloud. In the kitchen, the machine behaved less like defective equipment than something frightened. Fire trapped the delivery drivers inside. Anita spotted an exhausted sprite in an iron box at the back of the oven and assured her the team had come to help. The flames subsided as the captive began to believe her.
A choice beyond the cage
When Thornclaw approached the rear controls, the oven flared and an aggressively warm pepperoni-ball creature burst out. The fight was brief and ridiculous in precisely the way a dangerous kitchen fight can be. Even as the team dealt with it, they kept looking for a way to free the captive rather than smash the oven and hope.
Paige reached the panel and shut it down. The kitchen fell dark for a moment. The lights returned; a small cage opened, and the fey crawled out to cling to an investigator's thumb. She introduced herself as Pippinpop. The mechanism had compelled her magic to run the oven. Sal said he had not understood. When he asked whether she might still want to cook, the investigators insisted the choice be hers and, if she stayed, that she be paid. Pippinpop agreed on those terms. Sal put her on the payroll and promised free garlic knots. The first MMI case ended with the machine quiet and its former prisoner able to say yes—or no.

02 / Exhibits & observations
What the file can prove.
Collected property, reviewed records and field observations are labeled separately. Where available, the original player handout appears beneath the filed summary. Custody is not inferred from a picture.
AMarked menuObserved lead; custody unverifiedINSPECT +
EXHIBIT A / Observed lead; custody unverified
Marked menu
Sal showed the investigators writing across a menu. Reading it aloud did not resolve the oven's behavior.
BOven paperworkRead on scene; custody unverifiedINSPECT +
EXHIBIT B / Read on scene; custody unverified
Oven paperwork
Documentation described a rune-lock or seal associated with the unit. Manufacturer and serial number are not established.
CRear controls and cageObserved in situ; not seizedINSPECT +
EXHIBIT C / Observed in situ; not seized
Rear controls and cage
Paige shut the unit down at its panel, releasing Pippinpop from the internal enclosure.
DPippinpop's accountWitnessed terms; no formal interview recordedINSPECT +
EXHIBIT D / Witnessed terms; no formal interview recorded
Pippinpop's account
Her consent and paid arrangement, not Sal's preference, determined what happened next.
03 / Disposition
Filed, not forgotten.
Pippinpop was freed; the coercive configuration was disabled. She chose paid work at Lord Cheezus. The technology's origin was not established. No physical exhibit is verified in MMI custody.
MMI Records Division
UV-001 · Session played: 21 June 2026












