Lord Cheezus Pizzeria

The neon-lit Lord Cheezus Pizza storefront on a wet Brooklyn street — The Brooklyn flagship—down the street from MMI and glowing like a beacon for the hungry.

Find the light

The holiest neon in Brooklyn.

Look for the haloed slice above the door. The flagship has fed the neighborhood since 1986, through the Rift, the merge, and several extremely contentious cheese shortages.

The house saints

Lord Cheezus & Saint Mozzarella.

Lord Cheezus bears the sacred pie. Saint Mozzarella performs the eternal cheese pull. Their window watches over every booth, every slice, and every operative pretending this meal is strictly case-related.

Old brick, candlelight, red vinyl, and stained glass commissioned by someone with money, conviction, and absolutely no restraint.

Stained glass depicting Lord Cheezus holding a pizza and Saint Mozzarella lifting molten cheese — Lord Cheezus and Saint Mozzarella, patrons of the hungry and the gloriously over-cheesed.

The blessed offerings

The Menu

Pepperoni and white pizzas surrounded by garlic knots, mozzarella sticks, and a steaming calzone — Pizza, knots, mozzarella sticks, and calzones—photographed moments before the table stopped pretending to have manners.

MMI Garlic Knots

Free*

Warm, buttery, and covered by the agency’s extremely specific compensation package.

+1 to Constitution saves for 8 hours

Spicy Soprano

Sqounk’s favorite slice. Extra gabagool available if you ask like you mean it.

+1 to Initiative

Saint Mozzarella Sticks

Golden, stretchy, and canonically capable of improving your follow-through.

+1 melee damage

Hearthfire Calzone

A sealed pocket of sauce, cheese, and protective hearth magic.

+1 AC

Recovery Pie

For operatives who insist that “technically still standing” is a medical diagnosis.

Restores 4 HP

Perfectly Ordinary Pizza

Suspiciously excellent. Absolutely normal. Please stop asking the cheese questions.

No listed enchantment

Hearthside Pause

$15

Take a seat near the kitchen and let the warmth put something back where it belongs.

Restores 8 HP

Ember for the Road

$20

A pocket of steady hearthlight for the moments when courage needs help remembering itself.

+1 to Wisdom saves

Warm Box Blessing

$25

A permanent little kindness: anything placed inside the blessed box stays warm and perfectly fresh.

Permanent narrative enchantment

*Garlic knots are free for MMI team members. Limit one enchanted meal per long rest.

A diverse group of customers laughing over pizza and an enormous mozzarella cheese pull — Happy customers receiving gooey blessings beneath the stained glass.

Communion, but delicious

Bring friends. Order recklessly.

Humans, elves, tieflings, and exhausted investigators all fit in the same booth when the pizza arrives. Arguments are permitted. Letting the cheese touch the table is not.

Down the street from MMI

Come hungry. Leave redeemed.

Brooklyn flagship · Since 1986 · 718-9243-9185

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